BUFFERING REVIEW BLUES WITH HUMOR

It’s been awhile since I posted what I like to call, an informative blog post.  

Hey, I see you rolling your eyes! Yes, even through my computer monitor. 

So much of my blog is dedicated to promoting other authors because I really do want to see them succeed. There’s a warm, encouraging  community amongst  most writers, and I wouldn’t have come so far in my journey if it hadn’t been for them. I owe those generous, unselfish dears, many, many thanks. 

There’s another group I’d be remiss if I neglected to thank them. 

Reviewers. 

Even negative reviewers. 

I hear you gasping, but please, hear me out. 



Some authors I know don’t read reviews of their books at all, and others don’t read negative reviews. 

I do read all my reviews. 

Here’s the deal.  I’ve had my share of, shall we say, less than stellar reviews. The first one was the worse, because as a newly published author, I felt attacked, demeaned, even discredited. And the review wasn’t all that bad . . . 3 stars. 

Had I known I’d receive some going-for-the-jugular  ones later, I might have reconsidered this whole I-want-to-be-an-author thing. 

Since then, I’ve learned to  read the review with an objective eye.  Well, as objective as one can when something you’ve slaved over and poured your heart into  is being torn apart and ridiculed. 

Still, if there’s a grain of truth, something that can make me a better writer, then I try to find it. Most the time, I can, but not always. 

I’ve even posted negative reviews on social media to get feed back from other readers, in case I’m simply too close to the situation to see the glaring truth. 

There are reviewers whose only intent is to bash authors, and if those people are capable of saying anything positive or worth noting, it has long since been buried under a pile of vicious slurs and  just plain nastiness. 

Some of them go so far as to criticize another reviewer who posts a positive review.

I have a theory that those individuals, either have their underwear on much too tight, or have a severe chocolate deficiency. And the worse ones, suffer from both conditions and wear a thong four sizes too small when they slither from under their rock at midnight.

Authors can’t do a blasted thing about those trolls, and they shouldn’t try; even when the reviewer states something the author knows is absolutely wrong. 

For instance, in two reviews for Highlander’s Hope, reviewers criticized the Italian villain’s French accent. 

Hmm, why would any decent author give an Italian character a French accent? 

I didn’t. 

The accent was an authentic Italian accent, thoroughly researched for accuracy. In those cases, I couldn’t point out the  reviewers’ ignorance because I have an adamant policy of never, and I do mean never, commenting on a review. . . . Good or bad.

Even when I reviewer said my heroine was stupid and deserved to get raped and kidnapped. 

I keep wondering whose book she read, because that didn’t happen in the book she reviewed.  To be perfectly fair, she did mention she’d skipped chapters. 

Yes, I itched to set her straight, but if you’ve ever seen what happens when an author responds to a negative review,  you’ll understand why I chose the higher road. 

I did feel badly when someone I’d formed a pleasant online relationship with cut me off cold after reading one of my books and giving it an unflattering review. I’m betting I know why, and it has to do with writing historical accuracy and the content offended them.

I shrugged if off. Historical writers have to be authentic and accurate, even if someone chooses to take offense.  I didn’t create history, but by George, I’m going to make sure I keep my books as close to the real thing as I can. That means some stuff isn’t going to be politically correct, ’cause it was a different world two hundred years ago.

Reviews are purely subjective. I don’t give a rat’s toenail who’s doing the reviewing. We applaud and beam when a review is positive, but get our knickers in a twist when it’s not. 

Well, get over it! 

I hate, and I do mean hate, mushrooms (Peas and beets, too). *Shuddering.* 

Gag. Bleck. Barf.  

Does that mean mushrooms are putrid bits of sliced slug that should never, ever, under any circumstances be served as a food source?  (I  think so, but that’s just my opinion!) 

Those of you who love mushrooms are yelling, “Hey, wait a darn minute! Mushrooms are the most delectable bits of heaven on earth.” (Gads, that was hard to write without vomiting!) 

It’s all a matter of taste, people, taste!

Usually. 

Uh, oh. Here it comes. 

There are instances when a reader will take something you’ve written personally, and they respond with such hostility,  you wonder if they realize the book is a work of fiction. (Remember the historical accuracy darling?) Perhaps the book or one of the characters triggered something unpleasant in their past, touched a sensitive area, or they have some genuine issues that might need to be addressed. . . . By a licensed professional in a clinical environment with armed guards.

In those cases, taste has nothing to do with the review.  Change your pen name, move to a different country, consider plastic surgery, and change genres. You might, and I do emphasize might, be safe. 

So, if you haven’t thanked those marvelous people who took the time to review your book, get your little self onto whatever social media forums you use and scream your appreciation!