Fibromyalgia and the Writer

Today, I’m privileged to have author, Mageela Troche, visiting and sharing about something very personal–Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia and the Writer

Mageela Troche

I have fibromyalgia. What is that? According to the Mayo Clinic, Fibromyalgia is a “disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals.”

In plain English, that means I am always exhausted but I can’t sleep, can’t remember anything and have anxiety issues as well as always being in pain.

This disease has made life hard. It hurts to be hugged at times, sometimes, my clothes hurt me. Pain has become constant for me. I was the person who remembered everyone’s name. Now, I can barely recall friend’s names at times. Growing up in New York City, the subways brought me to all the different places in the city and now, I can’t ride them without a panic attack. In my lifetime, I have slept through hurricanes and earthquakes. Now, there are days when I’m so exhausted but sleep never comes. Then I have days that I sleep away, unable to lift my lashes.

Life has become about choices. I have to be choosy about the things I spend my energy on but I will always waste my energy on writing. It frees me from my body. My pains are forgotten—pains that radiate from my fingers, stiffening the joints, making my wrists ache and my body hurt to the point that I swear my bones are breaking.

These same issues affect my writing. I forget the story I’m telling. I admit that I have forgotten how to spell the. Yes T-H-E. I’m jealous of other writers who boast of writing for 8 hours or writing thousands of words. I wish I could do that. I wish I wasn’t sick. I wish I was the person I once was—the girl for adventure, the one who looked at the world to be conquered. That isn’t me anymore. I have to gauge how I feel, if I can do that activity or deal with the situation. Sometimes, the answer is no.

However, technology has helped me. Dragon software is a lifesaver. I just speak and my words pop up on screen. To be honest, I feel silly at times talking aloud. Google is great. I can be in bed and do my research and if I have to head to the library, my search is specified so my time isn’t waste.

As a writer, I have so many ideas for stories but fibro has taught me to focus on the ones that have a life. I must feel a deep need to write that story. I am learning a balance between work, life, where to put my energies and what is important to me. Sometimes, I have to say no when I would love to be a part of something.

One life motto I have always had is never give up. I don’t plan to throw in the towel. When I wrote my first novel, The Marriage Alliance, I had time to write it so those scrapping the bottom of the barrel energy days, I rested and recharged. When I received my contract for The Laird’s Right, I had a deadline and responsibility. My second book was hard for me to write. My fibro decided to make my life hell. What got me through? My stubbornness, my optimism and my love for the characters.

I would be lying if I said that all is fine (though when people ask how I am doing, I always say, “I’m fine.). Life has become a mental battle. Everyone has their struggle and I hope when or if you are faced with that difficultly or struggle, I hope you never give up, find what works for you and work it the best way you can.

Life is a balance. Have you find life balance? Do you know what throws everything off? How do you handle life’s problems?

All images courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

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